Emperor Palpatine died tragically this morning when the death star mysteriously exploded over Endor. The Emperor holds the distinction for being the longest serving senator in the republic.
It takes 37 muscles to frown, but it only takes one of you to be a douchebag.
#99
Almost finished mongering...
Senator John Barrasso (Wyoming)
Sir, you have the singing voice of an angel.... (An angel having its wings ripped off while being violated with a chainsaw that is...)
#98
No. No, you can't get away. From hell's heart, I monger at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.
Senator Herb Kohl (Wisconsin)
You remind me of a shit flavored lollypop.
#97
Mongering and defying gravity at the same time.
Senator Russell Feingold (Wisconsin)
Live for the moment Russ.... OK, ... the moment has passed.
#96
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... I mongered.
Senator Robert Byrd (West Virginia)
Where the hell do I begin...? You have the distinction of being the only United States senator to vote against both Clarence Thomas and Thurgood Marshall for Supreme Court nomination.
...But wait, there's more...
"never submit to fight beneath the banner [the American flag] with a Negro by my side. Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds." -Robert Byrd
During the 1940s Senator Byrd spent two "ELECTED" terms as a recruiter for the Ku Klux Klan in West Virginia.
...And lets not forget the edifice complex...
Robert (Sheets, King of Pork) Byrd has named more federal buildings after himself than any other senator in history. (I'd say there should be a law against that, but there is...)
As far as insulting him goes... I don't think I can top his actual biography.
Shame on everyone that ever had a part in electing this racist piece of shit. Re-electing him is worse you jerks.
He's EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#95
Wyatt is quick on the draw once again!
Senator John D. Rockefeller IV (West Virginia)
John Rockefeller is such a political whore that he was the inspiration for Fatboy Slim's song, "Rockafeller Skank."
You are the worst thing that Andy Warhol ever farted into existence.
#93
Just plain old mongering today...
Senator Maria Cantwell (Washington)
Will someone please put a blanket over its cage to make it shut up.
#92
Monger, the end is near.
Senator Jim Webb (Virginia)
Jim once got lost in thought and couldn't find his way home.
#91
Mongering until Hell freezes over.
Senator Mark Warner (Virginia)
So one train leaves Boston traveling South at sixty miles per hour and Mark Warners an asshole.
Another train leaves Miami traveling North at fifty miles per hour and Mark Warners an asshole.
Is Mark Warner an asshole?
#90
Mongering on three hours of sleep...
Senator Bernard Sanders (Vermont)
When I said that you were priceless, I meant that you have no value whatsoever.
#89
In the mongering home stretch...
Senator Patrick Leahy (Vermont)
How useless is he...? He's the only sap in Vermont that can't make maple syrup.
#88
Wyatt strikes again!!!
Senator Orrin Hatch (Utah)
What can you say about Senator Orrin Hatch that hasn't already said by his psychologist? This is a guy who defended polygamy in an 1998 interview. Probably not the best idea to remark: "Of course I supported it. That was very bigamy.
"Sadly for the voters, the senator from Utah puts the booby in booby hatch."
Looks like a fifty percent chance of mongering today...
Senator John Cornyn (Texas)
Everything's bigger in Texas... even the assholes.
#84
Wyatt is guest mongering again....
Senator Bob Corker (Tennessee)
What can you say about Bob Corker? This is a man who once said, "Corker if you got her" when referring to his high school sweetheart, and used the slogan, "Corker? I hardly know her!" during his first campaign. (...and yes, it is that small...)
Somebody poured stupid into your head and forgot to say when.
#73
I'm stealing a bit of mongering today...
Senator Jeff Merkley (Oregon)
You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance. ~Edward Flaherty
#72
Just mongering my own business today.
Senator James Inhofe(Oklahoma)
I could eat a bowl of Alpha-bits and shit better legislation than you write, toad.
#71
Now mongering in 3D at selected cinemas.
Senator Tom Coburn M.D. (Oklahoma)
Just like a real doctor, only dumber.
#70
New improved mongering with riboflavin.
Senator George Voinovich (Ohio)
You suck more than a thousand crazy straws stapled to a three dollar hooker on St. Catherines street.
#69
I'm being forced to monger at gunpoint.
Senator Sherrod Brown (Ohio)
Every time you have a thought, God kills a kitten.
#68
Mongering for duty and humanity.
Senator Byron Dorgan (North Dakota)
I can't tell who you look like more, your mother or your father... They both had assholes so it's a tough call.
#67
Mongering before work.
Senator Kent Conrad (North Dakota)
Hey, did someone step in dogshit...? Nevermind, I didn't notice Kent was here.
#66
I can monger effectively with both hands tied behind my back.
Senator Kay Hagan (North Carolina)
Ummm.... no sweetie, that's not seven inches.
#65
You've lost that mongering feeling,... wh'oa that mongering feeling..
Senator Richard Burr (North Carolina)
Two epileptics sharing a bowl of rice crispies have more grace than you... Dick.
#64
Mongering out of sheer boredom today.
Senator Charles Schumer (New York)
Add a little undigested corn and you could easily be mistaken for a lump of shit...
#63
I can monger and chew gum at the same time...
Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (New York)
I just ran out of stupid... can you lend me a thought?
#62
Mongering at top speed...
Senator Tom Udall (New Mexico)
I heard that you enjoy eating bald pussy....
I gotta ask, Do you put the diapers back on when you're done?
#61
Stop me before I monger again.....
Senator Jeff Bingham (New Mexico)
Jeff is almost better than having my balls super-glued to a glass filled paint-shaker... almost.
#60
Mongering my way to the top of the charts.
Senator Robert Menendez (New Jersey)
If you've ever stepped in a steaming pile of Menendez and climbed a ladder... you know what I'm talkin about.
#59
Mongering for a better tomorow.
Senator Frank Lautenberg (New Jersey)
Frank, you're so old the key on Ben Franklin's kite was the key to your apartment.
Anyone need a ringer for their deadpool?
#58
Mongering twice as hard today...
Senator Jeanne Shaheen (New Hampshire)
What the hell are you anyway...? Did someone shave a wookie and put it in a dress?
#57
What would Jesus monger?
Senator Judd Gregg (New Hampshire)
Being fluent in verbal diarrhea is nothing to be proud of Judd.
#56
I monger, you monger, we all monger for ice cream.
Senator Harry Reid (Nevada)
Harry, you pompous windbag, you're about as charming as a sack of genital warts. Go hump a rusty pencil sharpener you maggot.
#55
Mongering just for the fun of it...
Senator John Ensign (Nevada)
I hope you get caught in a shitstorm wearing cuffed trousers. Wanker...
#54
Mongering until hog-branding time.
Senator Ben Nelson (Nebraska)
Ben, you are as thick as manure and only half as useful.
#53
I can monger in five languages...
Senator Mike Johanns (Nebraska)
"He's lying."
#52
sometimes I sleepmonger.
Senator Jon Tester (Montana)
This is the satisfied look of a man who has had sex with a tractor.
#51
Mongering on my day off...
Senator Max Baucus (Montana)
The spin is rooming again Max.
You make the baby Jesus cry every time you give a drunken speech on the senate floor.
#50
Half way there!!!!
Senator Claire McCaskill (Missouri)
I would rather drink a gallon of Rosie O'Donnells underboob sweat than so much as look at you for five minutes.
#49
Mongering from an undisclosed location.
Senator Kit Bond (Missouri)
Wiping that stupid look off your face is probably fatal when you're composed of 93% stupid.
#48
Mongering in 3, 2, 1.....
Senator Roger Wicker (Mississippi)
You are an unconscionably debauched sloven and a demented, nose-picking curse on society. You even smell stupid.
#47
Tired, but mongering anyway.... Somebody has to do it.
Senator Thad Cochran (Mississippi)
Thad, you're kinda a dick.... only smaller.
#46
Tired, but mongering anyway....
Senator Amy Klobuchar (Minnesota)
Amy, you are a malignant growth on the sphincter of society. Naked pictures of you should be used instead of waterboarding. Slut....
#45
I, monger, therefore I am.
Senator (OMFG) Al Franken (Minnesota)
I would rather lick Paris Hiltons toilet seat clean than spend one minute with you. Having magical unicorns shit in my eyesockets would be more fun than being with you.
#44
Mongering to the beat of a distant plumber...
Senator Debbie Stabenow (Michigan)
If someone pelted your face with yellow toenail clippings and wood glue, it just might be an improvement...
#43
Mongering for the people...
Senator Carl Levin (Michigan)
Carl is a man who clearly knows how to get rid of the smell of hookers and cheap whiskey. His favorite movie is Frankenhooker and he's bought more rectal thermometers than any man alive.
#42
Mongering with an enthusiasm not witnessed by many.
Senator Scott Brown (MA.)
Scott Brown, full time male prostitute, part time senator. He's always ready to sex you up for your vote.
#41
Mongering....
Senator John Kerry (MA.)
You can hardly see the scars where the bolts were removed from his neck... Seriously, Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
#40
I'm just a hate mongering fool.
Senator Barbara Mikukski(Maryland)
"You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks... ...Then you can give me a fucking automobile - a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick - four fucking wheels and a seat!"
#39
I can smell the hate from here...
Senator Benjamin L Cardin (Maryland)
Ben, you are a poisonous festering boil on the ass of humanity. May rabid squirrels attack your crotch to collect nuts every Friday morning.
Bumwipe.
#38
Will still hate monger for food... and beer.
Senator Olympia Snowe (Maine)
It once got so cold in Maine, Olympia froze one of her balls off.
#37
Will hate monger for food...
Senator Susan M. Collins (Maine)
I do not like Sue in a boat, I do not like Sue in a moat. I do not like her up in Maine, I do not like her putrid name.
I'll now insult this wicked cow, my only thought is where and how...?
I think I'll say she stinks of poop, like chickens in a filthy coop.
Oh, and she's a slut too.
#36
Loving the hate every day....
Senator David Vitter (Louisiana)
Chronic verbal masturbation.... Lets all hope that a cure is coming... soon.
#35
Enjoying the seething hate...
Senator Mary Landrieu (Louisiana)
Mary, You're about as much fun as pulling tinsel out of a dogs ass on Christmas morning.
#34
A third of the way through the pile of turd.
Senator Mitch McConnell (Kentucky)
Mitch, you flatulent sack of fermented prostitute drippings... You are the bacon stain on pink frilly underwear.
#33
Hate, hate hate.....
Senator Jim Bunning (Kentucky)
Jim is seen here demonstrating his world famous ass kissing technique.
Looks like it's the extra large ass style too.... Watch your back Hillary!!!!
#32
I'm in the hate zone today....
Senator Pat Roberts (Kansas)
Pat, you flaccid sack of hamster droppings. When you speak, It's like listening to two wounded cats humping.
#31
Hate, hate, hate...
Senator Sam Brownback (Kansas)
Sam, you petulant smug bastard... You bite the pillow for big business you filthy cooperate whore.
...And did you just fart...? ...on the flag..?
#30
I know they're idiots... but what kind of idiots are they...?
Senator Tom Harkin (Iowa)
I miss Tom's early work doing public service ads.
This one was my favorite....
#29
Use the hate Luke....
Senator Chuck Grassley (Iowa)
Chuck enjoys keeping in touch with his constituents.... one restraining order at a time....
#28
Digging down for more hate...
Senator Dick Lugar (Indiana)
It is my privilege to introduce Michael J. Fox as a special guest insulter.
Mike was kind enough to write a little something for me so I'll just post his letter for everyone to read....
Ummmm..... yeah you bastard!!!!
#27
Letting the hate flow freely now...
Senator Evan Bayh (Indiana)
You vomitous mass of putrid monkey spunk. Please set your face on fire and put it out with a rusty hammer you toad.
#26
Yeah, I pretty much hate 'em all.
Senator Dick Durbin (Illinois)
Hold on, I gotta take a wicked Durbin...
I think I have a Durbin head poking out.
#25
Senator Roland Burris (Illinois)
Roland, roland, roland....
his senate seat is stolen
keep them doggies rollin, ...and bribed.
move 'em on, head 'em up
head 'em up, move 'em on
move 'em on, head 'em up
rawhide.....
#24
When these fools decide to live by the same rules as the rest of us, I'll stop insulting them.... maybe. eh...maybe not.
Senator James E. Risch (Idaho)
Me and Amy Winehouse peed in your cornflakes this morning. Have a nice day you shallow, mindless sack of baboon sphincters.
#23
When these fools decide to live by the same rules as the rest of us, I'll stop insulting them.... maybe. eh...maybe not.
Senator Mike Crapo (Idaho)
Seriously...? Bwaahaaahaaahaaa
Sheesh, talk about truth in advertising. A true piece of fecal matter folks.
#22
I just can't do it.... You get a pass sir.
Senator Daniel K. Inouye (Hawaii)
First Lt. Daniel K. Inouye,now a U.S. senator, was awarded the Medal of Honor for heroism on April 21, 1945, in the vicinity of San Terenzo, Italy. While attacking a defended ridge guarding an important road junction, Inouye directed his platoon through a hail of automatic weapons and small arms fire to capture an artillery and mortar post and brought his men to within 40 yards of the hostile force. The enemy, emplaced in bunkers and rock formations, halted the advance with crossfire from three machine guns. Inouye boldly crawled up the treacherous slope to within five yards of the nearest machine gun and hurled two grenades, destroying it. Before the enemy could retaliate, he stood up and neutralized a second machine gun nest with submachine gun fire. Although wounded by a sniper's bullet, he continued to engage other hostile positions at close range until an exploding grenade shattered his right arm. Despite intense pain, he refused evacuation and continued to direct his platoon until enemy resistance was broken and his men were again deployed in defensive positions.
H/T R. Williams
Take a good look.... This is what a hero looks like. It's a shame he has to spend his day job with such scumbags. You keep horrible company Dan... thats your insult.
#21
When these fools decide to live by the same rules as the rest of us, I'll stop insulting them.... maybe. eh...maybe not.
Senator Daniel Akaka (Hawaii)
Makalaka hi maka hiney ho!
Mekaleka hi meka chani ho...
I wish for Danny to be eaten by zombies Jambi.
Wish Granted!!!!
#20
When these fools decide to live by the same rules as the rest of us, I'll stop insulting them.... maybe.
Senator Johnny Isakson (Georgia)
You pompous ass... I would rather slow dance with Mike Tyson for a month as he nibbles sweet nothings off my ears than spend one minute with you.
May your scrotum be a nailgun magnet you jackass.
#19
When these fools decide to live by the same rules as the rest of us, I'll stop insulting them.... maybe.
Senator Saxby Chambliss (Georgia)
You are a putrid puss filled maggot unworthy of the position as Michael Moores official toenail clipper.
#18
When these fools decide to live by the same rules as the rest of us, I'll stop insulting them.... maybe.
Senator Bill Nelson (Florida)
Is there something wrong with my eyes or did James Carville join the hair club for men? Ummmm.... creepy.
#17
When these fools decide to live by the same rules as the rest of us, I'll stop insulting them.... maybe.
Senator George Lemieux (Florida)
Sir, you are slower than a wounded snail in a glue factory. Go piss on an electric fence you shameless tub of bat guano.
#16
When these fools decide to live by the same rules as the rest of us, I'll stop insulting them.... maybe.
Senator Ted Kaufman (Delaware)
Ya know what...? That, my friends is Teds official picture.... I had an insult all lined up and I had to shelf it when I got a good look at this meat popsicle.
Now if this was the good picture, can you even imagine what one of the bad ones looked like?
I'm gonna give it a shot.....
Yeah.... I think thats about right...
#15
My continuing mission to insult every sitting senator moves on....
Senator Tom Carper (Delaware)
The eternal question, "What would Max Headroom look like with a comb-over?" Has finally been answered. What the hell is it about Delaware and the Hair Club for Men anyway?
#14
My continuing mission to insult every sitting senator moves on....
Senator Joe Lieberman (Connecticut)
There's no whining in baseball!!!
Hey droopy, go wallow in hamster droppings you pathetic scrotum eating buzzard.
#13
My continuing mission to insult every sitting senator moves on....
Senator Christopher Dodd (Connecticut)
Nobody wants to smell your finger you sick bastard. We all know where its been. Piss off and wipe your nose off too you lemming.
#12
As you all know, I have decided to insult every single member of the 111'th Congress alphabetically by state. If you think you can do better... have at it you putrid bunch of blog whores.
Senator Mark Udall (Colorado)
Senator, you are about as tasteful as a monkey sphincter sandwich. You feeble mindless wanker.
#11
Senator Mike Bennet (Colorado)
May you be smothered by the hairy assflaps of Rosie O'Donnell, set on fire and put out with a hammer.
#10
Senator Dianne Feinstein (California)
Senator, I have decided to insult you in the form of a Haiku... you lucky bitch.
Sharp as a marble.
A face that needs a brown bag.
You a wretched shrew.
#9
Senator Barbara Boxer (California)
The smartest thing to ever pass through your lips had balls attached... You tramp.
#8
Senator Mark Pryor (Arkansas)
Nine out ot ten frightened hookers agree that Mark is not abusive. The tenth is in the hospital and unavailable for comment today.
#7
Senator Blanche Lincoln (Arkansas)
Blanche you slut... Try avoiding the flying monkeys when they start flinging poop. Beware of falling houses. Oh, and don't let anyone throw a bucket of water on you.... oooops too late. Whore.
#6
Senator John McCain (Arizona)
How can anyone possibly insult a man who paid such a high price as a POW in the service of his country...? Hmmmm.... Well, like this... First, you suck as a pilot. You just might be the most prolific loser in American politics... ever!!! If I bought you the boardgame, you still wouldn't have a Clue. Dude, it was Col. Mustard, in the study with a shred of dignity... (Not You!!!) Loser!!!
#5
Senator Jon Kyl (Arizona)
You are a quivering mass of rat droppings... And your De Niro impersonation sucks too.
#4
Senator Lisa Murkowski (Alaska)
You filthy slut... May children beat you with croquet mallets every morning you polluted whining shrew.
#3
Senator Mark Begich (Alaska)
You foul smelling, contemptible, loutish shovel full of rancid chicken entrails. May you be eaten by a dozen ill tempered polar bears you inbred piece of trailer trash.
#2
Senator Richard Shelby (Alabama)
You vomitous mass of hemorrhoidal puss. Go get a life.... no,.... drop dead and get an afterlife you malevolent mistake of maggot droppings.
#1
As you all know, I have decided to insult every single member of the 111'th Congress alphabetically by state. If you think you can do better... have at it you putrid bunch of blog whores.
Senator Jeff Sessions (Alabama)
You sir, would need to climb a ladder in order to reach the level of whale poop... Now stop flinging boogers at everyone you mentally deficient parasite.
Mercy Mercy Mercy!
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