Thursday, April 30, 2009

The History of French Warfare

The History of French Warfare
" So, after 58 years, the French have decided that they prefer Vichy after all. It's hardly surprising. When the Vichy regime was in power, one could pretty much do what one wanted when it came to those troublesome Jews. Yes, there were shortages and lots of Germans around, but that's not much different from the present. Plus, just like today, the truly intellectual could take pride in the notion that they were part of something larger than a piddling little nation state. And really, "Libert�, �galit�, fraternit�!" is just so passe. Vichy knew that too, which is why they were replaced with Travail (work), Famille (family), and Patrie (fatherland).

Not that those are any better. The modern Vichian motto might as well be ignorez, retarde, apaisez. Ignore, delay and appease describe the French character as well as anything else, excepts perhaps "Unions, Vacations and Occasional Showers!".

You can hardly blame the French. France is example number one when comes to natural selection of a nation's character.

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. The Dutch War - Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. World War I� - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. War in Indochina�- Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. There's no national anthem in the world as ludicrous as France's

To arms, to arms, ye brave!
Th'avenging sword unsheathe!
March on, march on, all hearts resolved
On liberty or death.

Oh liberty can man resign thee,
Once having felt thy gen'rous flame?
Can dungeons, bolts, and bar confine thee?
Or whips thy noble spirit tame?

Can dungeons, bolts, and bar confine thee? Or whips thy noble spirit tame?
Yes, demonstrably. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?" "

Hat tip Sid

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

...And yet more music...

While I love ripping celebs who think they have musical talent... Don Johnson, The Hoff, Eddie Murphy... the list goes on, Every once in a while ya get lucky.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Ok, what a great series!! Just finished watching the first period of game seven of the caps, Rangers matchup...

This matchup has had everything,!! fighting, wild changes in advantage..., amazing goals, suspensions, fights with fans... (Hat tip to cousin Mike for setting the standard), biting other players... I'm just loving this...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

... Spoke too soon

THIS!!!! is why the Caps scare me...

That was just a thing of beauty... He's a one man game changer and he just woke up.

Stuff like that is just not supposed to work in the NHL... scary.

Friday, April 24, 2009

The Hockey Gods are smiling

I love the beatdown on the Habs,... Playing the Rangers next is looking like a dream come true. I'm stunned that the Caps have shown no heart whatsoever...

The Caps were the team that was a thorn in the side of the Bruins all season. If they're playing golf during the second round, that makes me smile ear to ear. Two original six matchups in a row is just a fun ride dammit!!!

One thing that has been an unexpected surprise this year is the commercials, they're pretty damm funny this year.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Ode to Philly, by Tom Shillue

This is a birthday present to Wyatt... Enjoy you old bastard.

I grew up with Tom... He's working at Bighollywood now so look him up!!! Great guy.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

...and I don't work with a net...

You Should Walk the Tightrope

Any subject you study, you aim to master. You enjoy being the best.

When you're good at something, you like to show off your skills.

You're the type of person who would practice years to walk the tightrope.

And you'd love the glory you'd get from walking it in front of a crowd.

This one made me think of Steve Martins drunk test in the Man with Two Brains...

Monday, April 20, 2009

Now this is just damm interesting!!!!

Music nerds will understand how weird this is.... but cool...

Joe Ely made inroads into the eighties punk scene without ever changing his style... I reviewed one of his albums years... (ahem) decades ago...

Joe can rock with the best of 'em... and he has. Go Texas!!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Cooking 101

I haven't posted a recipe in a while... I think the last one was German Pigs in a blanket....

Mmmmmm.... Maybe I need to just get back to basics... I've started looking over a few culinary web sites and blogs and then I found this.

Aria Giovanni Teaches Us How To Boil Eggs - Watch more Funny Videos

Dear God she's fascinating!!! I use salt as a seasoning, but she uses it make the water boil faster... I'm not up to date on my thermodynamics regarding salt making water boil faster so I'll just believe it to save time...

...besides, on hot days, you go to the beach... there's salt water at the beach... the logic is indisputable.

Well then, I need to do a few hours of exhaustive research on this woman...

Friday, April 17, 2009


Yeah, I'm in Bruins playoffs mode and enjoying every second of it... I get to hate the Habs from sunrise to sunset and then I dream about sending them home at night...

Happy, happy, joy, joy...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bruins v Habs

As a Mr. Ventura once said,.... It's payback time!!!

Get your Bruins out, get 'em pissed, get it on!!!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Muppets with saucy language

I gotta admit, I thought about this exact improvement as a child...

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Amazing Discovery!!!

WW II Russian tank with German markings uncovered after 62 years. WW II Buffs will find this interesting.Even after 62 years (and a little tinkering), they were able to fire up the diesel engine!
A Komatsu D375A-2 bulldozer pulled the abandoned tank from its tomb under the boggy bank of a lake near Johvi , Estonia . The Soviet-built T34/76A tank had been resting at the bottom of the lake for 56 years. According to its specifications, it's a 27-ton machine with a top speed of 53 km/hr.
From February to September 1944, heavy battles were fought in the narrow, 50 km-wide, Narva front in the north-eastern part of Estonia . Over 100,000 men were killed and 300,000 men were wounded there. During battles in the summer of 1944, the tank was captured from the Soviet army and used by the German army. (This is the reason that there are German markings painted on the tank's exterior.) On 19th September, 1944, German troops began an organized retreat along the Narva front. It is suspected that the tank was then purposefully driven into the lake to conceal it when its captors left the area.
At that time, a local boy walking by the lake, Kurtna Matasjarv, noticed tank tracks leading into the lake but not coming out anywhere. For two months he saw air bubbles emerging from the lake. This gave him reason to believe that there must be an armored vehicle at the lake's bottom. A few years ago, he told the story to the leader of the local war history club 'Otsing'. Together with other club members, Mr. Igor Shedunov initiated diving expeditions to the bottom of the lake about a year ago. At the depth of 7 metres they discovered the tank resting under a 3 metre layer of peat.
Enthusiasts from the club, under Mr Shedunov's leadership, decided to pull the tank out. In September of 2000 they turned to Mr. Aleksander Borovkovthe, manager of the Narva open pit company AS Eesti Polevkivi, to rent the company's Komatsu D375A-2 bulldozer. (Currently used at the pit, the Komatsu dozer was manufactured in 1995, and has recorded 19,000 operating hours without major repairs.)
The pulling operation began at 09:00 and was concluded at 15:00, with several technical breaks. The weight of the tank, combined with the travel incline, made for a pulling operation that required significant muscle. The D375A-2 handled the operation with power and style. The weight of the fully-armed tank was around 30 tons, so the active force required to retrieve it was similar. A main requirement for the 68-ton dozer was to have enough weight to prevent slippage while moving up the hill.
After the tank surfaced, it turned out to be a 'trophy tank' that had been captured by the German army in the course of the battle at Sinimaed (Blue Hills) about six weeks before it was sunk in the lake. Altogether, 116 shells were found on board. Remarkably, the tank was in good condition, with NO RUST, and all systems (except the engine) in working condition. This is a very rare machine, especially considering that it fought both on the Russian and the German sides. Plans are underway to fully restore the tank. It will be displayed at a war history museum in the Gorodenko village on the left bank of the River Narv.
Incredibly, after a few minor repairs, they were able to start its diesel engine.

H/T Min

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

No new tale to Tell

Love and Rockets... almost forgot about this band... I like the video and its use of monkeys for no apparent reason....

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Honey, I found the perfect dog for the kids...

Good boy, now give me back my fingers....

Revisiting Gorey

Clicking on the title will unleash the entire stick figure massacre.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Another damm quiz

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Not too shabby....

Saturday, April 4, 2009

...And back to the Music... PJ Harvey, Live - Victory

She is just damm sexy!!!

Bills tribute to the Final Four

Yes, he has too much time on his hands and he's most likely insane, but I can't help watching....

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I want one!!!

Just click on the title for the Hotelicopter homepage... It's an engineering masterpiece!!!